The Return

Welcome Home

2010-11-17T13:57:00.004-05:00

"Mike, it's only when you learn to embrace yourself and your brokenness that you will find wholeness." This statement, a paradox to be sure, has been stirring in my mind ever since it was spoken by a dear friend and mentor just a few short weeks ago. Even as I write these words not only do I continue to wrestle with that profound truth, but I continue to struggle in making it a reality in my life. How does one embrace something that he has not viewed with high regard? How does one embrace himself when for so long he's learned to meticulously identify all of his flaws and shortcomings and mask them by constantly striving for perfection? Honestly, how does one embrace that which he slowly trained himself to dislike? Now keep in mind that multiple past and present factors have contributed to my current view of myself. I didn't wake up one day wanting to dislike myself nor do I purposely choose to do so. It has become a learned reality. And yet over the past few years, months and even days I get the distinct feeling that God is quietly calling and challenging me, through all the distractions, confusion, and angst, to embrace and accept myself as He embraces and accepts me for who I am. We sure do read alot about God's love and grace, but when it comes to embodying this reality I wonder how far short we often fall.

The other night I sat amongst a group of men sharing life and sharing struggles. I spoke of my utter reluctance to identify myself as one who is broken. What's ironic about this stubborn reluctance is that it sometimes feels like it isn't a conscious decision, it has simply become second nature. My friends brought forth great encouragment. One in particular challenged me to verbalize not just my identity, but my brokenness as well. He actually went ahead and did it for me, yet proceeded to say that even though I am broken, I'm not defined by it. I'm ultimately defined by what God has to say about me. After hearing such words, I wasn't sure how to process it all. I've heard this countless times before and yet I keep coming back frustrated because I fail to allow it to become a reality in my life. I've read countless books on God's love and grace. I've been enraptured by the Biblical story of redemption and rescue by a loving God, but it's almost as if the words fail to take root within my soul. It's almost as if I fail to let God speak for himself. I project my dislike and disdain for myself onto Him thinking that He feels the same. It seems that I've wandered from the voice of God and allowed my voice to speak louder about me than His own. Can I get a witness?

Jesus, the master storyteller, tells a parable about a son who disowns his father, goes off to a foreign country, squanders his inheritance and hits absolute rock bottom with no money and little food to eat. When the son reaches such a destitute position, he decides to humbly make his way back to his father to perhaps work as a hired hand. Keep in mind that in the 1st century Jewish world when a son asked for his inheritance before his father had died he was pretty much telling the patriarch of the family in no uncertain terms "I wish you were dead." For the youngest son to pull such a stunt and now with no other option but to crawl back to his father, most, in Jesus' audience, hearing such a story are probably thinking of the shame that will be heaped upon him by both his family and community. But in the story, as the youngest son makes it within view of his father's house, the father literally runs out to meet him, hug and kiss him. Now Jewish men didn't run and they certainly didn't run out of the house to greet a wayward son. Yet in Jesus' story the Father embraces his broken son, simply grateful of the fact that he is home.

As I reflect on Jesus' parable, I can't help but wonder if the problem wasn't so much the son just wanting to go party and live it up, the problem is that he lost focus of all that he had in his possession at the start. The younger son seems to have missed the fact that he had everything he had ever needed, especially the love and affirmation of His father. Which makes me wonder if I, like the younger son, have gone away looking for wholeness when it's been right in front of me all along? I wonder if I have kept myself from "going home" because such a journey would require my admitting that I am flawed, weary, and broken. The Christian Mystic Meistar Eckhart once said this "God is at home, it is we who have gone out for a walk." I believe God is calling me to embrace my brokenness, pick myself up, and make my way back home. The hope that I'm given is that God will be waiting for me to appear on the horizon so that He may run out to great me with open arms. The hope is that God will affirm and restore me as he whispers "Welcome Home!"

Falsehood

2010-10-25T12:22:00.010-04:00

It is now mid-October and as I write this I'm amazed and somewhat mystified at the fact that it has once again taken me so long to post on my blog. Since college, writing has always been quite a chore for me. Various factors have contributed to this struggle, none more greater than the vice of perfectionism which is the constant striving to present myself as flawless and without error. For many, my beef with writing may seem silly and insignificant compared to the more difficult internal struggles that others face. In no way am I trying to draw undue attention to something so minuscule in hopes that people will sympathize with me. Instead my hope is to draw out that which fuels this constant unrest within my soul because sometimes things are never what they appear to be on the surface. Sometimes our wounds go much deeper than whats on the skin.

Recently, while traveling to Buffalo for a brief "vacationary" (gosh, is that even a word?) stint, I had the opportunity to listen to a dialogue between Rob Bell and Peter Rollins. For those who don't know, Rob Bell and Peter Rollins are two young, influential voices within a controversial, yet exciting movement known as the "Emerging Church." Although space and time prohibit me from going into biographical detail about their life and work, I will say that I was greatly impressed and moved by the thoughts of Peter Rollins. Most intriguing was the argument about our "false" selves. Rollins argues that people, in all societies, have this incredible tendency to create, sustain and live from a "false self." We tend to put out this image of ourselves that is not true of who we really are because it's almost as if we're afraid to be revealed and perhaps rejected for our imperfection and brokenness.

As I listened to Rollins' arguments, my mind drifted and I couldn't help but think of all the ways in which I've attempted to fortify, sustain and live from a "false self." Even now as I struggle to write, I wonder if I'm living from this "false self" that is trying its hardest to make sure that everything is perfect and pristine so that no flaws in my thinking or writing will be revealed. I know this may seem insignificant, but I think it reveals something deeper not just about me, but about all of us. The truth is we're afraid to be us. We're afraid to be who we truly are. If that's the case, maybe that's what makes the journey of faith so arduous. Because it's a journey that takes us to the core of who we are and who we were created to be.

Theologian and Pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said "When Christ calls a man, he bids him to come and die."

In answering the call of Christ, may we allow our false selves to die.
May we both discover and learn to be who we truly are.
And may we know that we are loved despite our brokenness.

"Overdue Joy"

2010-06-22T10:30:00.004-04:00

I know, I know...It's been way too long. It's been approximately six months and a few days since my last post. I'm not exactly sure how to explain my extended absence. In all honesty, lets just say that personally and ministerially things became quite difficult to the point where 'faith,' 'hope,' and 'joy' were seemingly hard to come by. I admittedly bring this forth not to launch a "Mike Voit Pity Party," but to allow you to fully enter into my journey of life and faith. As you are well aware, things are not all roses and peaches or lamb and tuna fish (thank you to the movie "Big Daddy" for that analogy). Life is difficult and I am not one of those people who chooses to sweep that reality under the rug. I refuse to pretend. I refuse to play happy, unfazed Christian. Instead my desire is to acknowledge that which is broken so that God may bring healing, hope, and comfort not just to myself, but to others who struggle as well. I believe the late Henri Nouwen, profound author and theologian, refers to this person as the "Wounded Healer."

So here I am, wounded, yet still standing. And today I can honestly say I have joy. It's been a long time. I told a dear friend this morning of my renewed sense of purpose and hope and to hear his response was like a breath of fresh air. He, like many others, has walked beside me through this journey. Struggling, wrestling, grieving, hoping. He has hoped when I felt hopeless. He has encouraged when I wanted to quit. And he has loved, when I felt like a disgrace. Yet he hasn't been the only one. I can't tell you the love, grace and persistence my wife has shown during this stretch. My wife, as always, has been a constant reminder of God's presence through this entire time. I give thanks not only for my wife and for my dear friend, but for the numerous people who truly acted and responded as God's church. In all of my angst and frustration with the church at times, you all give me hope that the church can be a beautiful agent of restoration and hope.

As I write this, I'm humbled by the response of so many in regards to this blog. Over the past few months and even days, I've heard from countless people about their anticipation of my next post. I never thought my writings and musings on life were all that special. I don't consider myself a great writer or expositor of life and faith. I feel very much like a little kid playing with crayons when it comes to speaking and writing about such things. For those who have made comments and for those who have encouraged me to keep writing (even if it hurts!), this blog post is for you. Know how much you and your encouragement is appreciated. You really have no idea how much it means to me. Thank you for believing. Thank you for hoping. Thank you for being who God has made and called you to be.

As I end this somewhat random and long overdue post, let me say this...

May we embrace life in all its facets in the hopes that God will be all that He says He is...faithful, loving, and present.

A Humble Confession

2009-12-16T10:30:00.005-05:00

You would think that the arctic tundra that is Michigan would get some snow, wouldn't you? Come on lovely State of Michigan what's going on here? I know we live on the wrong side of the lake, but this is just horrible. Everything is green! As far as snowfall is concerned, the state of Tennessee is beating us. Are you kidding me? Good thing Gena and I are going back to Buffalo for Christmas. Buffalo knows a thing or two about snow. Like the 7 ft blast of winter we received a few years ago over the course of two days. That was some serious snow my friends. Buffalo is known for three things: Chicken Wings, Mighty Taco, and Snow. Not necessarily in that order, but you get the gist. Notice that I didn't even mention our sports teams. Please don't get me started on that rant.

It's been awhile since I last posted. In all honesty, there have been some personal things that have arisen which have somewhat deterred me from writing. In my last post, I talked about my longing for "Advent Winds." Winds that would refresh and bring life to a tired and complacent soul. Winds that would bring faith and send me deep into the mystery and wonder of Christmas. I must make you all aware that when I write, I write not for effect. I write to espouse and bring to light the deepest longings and desires of my heart in an effort to incorporate you on this journey of faith with me. I may say things that shock you. And I may reveal things that you simply never knew about me. But understand that I do it all in love. I do it as one who desperately wants to know and find rest in God. The God who became one of us to bring salvation and restoration to you and I and the entire world.

As the weather has shifted, so has my emotional/mental state. The days are growing shorter and shorter as we move closer toward the winter solstice. But along with the days growing increasingly darker, they have also become more dreary. Now I am aware that most people are affected by these shifts. Yet for me these shifts have tapped into a deeper darkness that resides within my being. A darkness that I struggle with on a consistent basis. A darkness that is difficult to pull myself from despite my prayers, pleadings and times of counsel with close friends.

This darkness is depression. As I write this, I'm at a loss in trying to explain it. For those who have not experienced it, I imagine it's difficult to understand. Some think it's one of those things that you can just flip a switch or think a different way and everything will be better. Nothing...Nothing could be further from the truth. Trust me, if I could flip a switch I would. If I could say the "right" prayer I would. But all I can do is acknowledge it for what it is and recognize that I am not in control. And most difficult of all, I have to recognize that God, the God I believe is full of grace, truth and love, has allowed this into my life so that I may grow in my dependence upon Him.

The past few weeks have been incredibly difficult. My mind and heart have raced trying to pull myself from this fog. Thoughts of feeling like a failure in various arenas of my life have flooded my being time and time again. The people I love the most I push away because I don't want them to see me like this. It's difficult to admit such heavy brokenness, especially when you lead people to the God you believe heals and brings hope to the broken. It's been excruciating and humbling to get to a place where I admit that I'm not in control. I broke last Thursday and wept in the presence of a dear friend. It's been along time coming. I haven't cried like that in awhile, but I believe it was the start of something new. Because I believe that resurrection is not just something that awaits us in the future. Resurrection is what Jesus is bringing here and now.

...This is the only hope I cling to.

Last Sunday, the children of our church performed "The Greatest Christmas Present Ever." I wasn't chomping at the bit to go, but it was something to do on a cold Sunday evening and so Gena and I decided to attend the festive occasion. As I watched the musical, I couldn't help but notice the way the children acted, sang, and danced. Surprisingly, I found myself being critical of them. There was so much happening. Children moving here. Children moving there. Children singing in tune. Children singing out of tune. Children leaving the stage when they weren't supposed to. Children not knowing what or where to go next. But then I thought they're kids, it's just who they are.

As I sat there in my pew with my wife, I couldn't help but think how proud God was of these kids despite the chaos and the craziness. I couldn't help but think how much God's love and grace covered these children despite their performance. I couldn't help but think that all this chaos and craziness in many ways represented my life, especially as of recent. And yet God as he loved and continues to love those children, loves me the same.

As the musical reached it's climax, a young, adorable little girl, who has probably said 7 total words to me the whole time I've been at this church, came out to sing. And in her cute, innocent voice she started singing "Happy Birthday Jesus." The words were "Happy Birthday Jesus. I'm so glad it's Christmas..... I love you." In this moment the "Kingdom of God" not only broke into the church, but into my being. God broke in despite the chaos and confusion that often resides within my soul. For a few moments, which seemed like an eternity, I felt like I was breathed into. I rediscovered hope despite the brokenness.

So may these words not just be a humble confession, but may they bring strength and hope to fellow journeyers.
May you know this Christmas that because of Resurrection there is always hope.
Resurrection always has the last word.

Advent Winds

2009-11-30T11:06:00.014-05:00

I'm not entirely sure if the creative juices are flowing today, but I can sense that there is something on the heart that needs to be expressed. I'm hoping that I can find the words that will give flesh to my thoughts and yearnings. Here it goes...

Gena and I returned from vacation Saturday evening. After a long drive and an incredibly busy week of eating, napping, reading, and eating some more, let's just say that it was good to be home. During the drive I had a lot of time to think and peer deep into the workings and wanderings of my mind and heart. With both Gena and Abbie napping, there was plenty of time for quiet introspection as we cruised through the various landscapes of Pennsylvania, New York, and Canada. Let me just say that car rides can work wonders for your soul. This 9 hour car ride awakened me to the fact that I'm in desperate need of an 'awakening.' And since I define faith as an 'awakening' of sorts, then I would say that I'm in dire need of 'faith.' Faith that awakens me to the beauty and majesty of that which is all around me.

Is it really any wonder that Jesus launches his ministry with a statement that causes and calls us to wake up and to see that the 'Kingdom of God' has come near in and through Him? God's kingdom of love, compassion, grace, forgiveness, and justice. Jesus says that it's near and it's all around us. He hints at the fact that God's very presence saturates this world and that we could see it if we just 'opened' the eyes of our hearts and minds. It's like all our deepest hopes and yearnings are right in front of us. It's as if that which our souls desperately ache and long for is smack dab in our midst and all we have to do is open ourselves and accept it. To which I ask this: Why don't we? Maybe the better question is: Why don't I? Why do I allow my life to be consumed with everything else? Why do I allow myself to be engaged in the chasing after things that really don't matter?

Because it's in chasing these things that we, myself included, not only lose sight of that which is right in front of us, but we become numb to the holy presence that surrounds and envelops us.
We become numb and deaf to the compassionate embrace and quiet soothing voice of our Father. Ultimately, we end up finding ourselves rooted in a place of frustration, struggle, stress and anxiety. And this is exactly where I've been living...

...and now my soul is yearning for release and longing for 'rescue.'

Ironic that I find myself in this position at the very outset of the Season of Advent. Advent, the season leading up to Christmas, is a time of eager anticipation, hope, and longing. It's a time in which we remember and celebrate the birth and coming of Christ. But it's also a time when we anxiously look forward to Christ's second coming when He will bring justice and peace once and for all. A time when God will make all things 'right.'

Advent essentially means 'coming.' And as I think about it more, I desperately long for an advent within my own soul. I long for God to come, break in and stir up something new and fresh within this heart. Yes, this very heart that often and unknowingly chases after everything, but Him. Father, would you 'come' and awaken this heart...

I remember when I was young, my father and I would make countless trips down to the lake (Lake Erie to be exact) to go fishing on our boat. But the thing about Buffalo is that you can never tell what the wind is going to do. I don't even think the meteorologists in Buffalo even knew. One minute there would be no wind and in the very next second there could be an incredibly strong gust. Fishing in high winds is not exactly a pretty sight. I don't know what other people think, but fishing in 6-8 foot waves is not ideal. One morning in the Summer we woke up and scurried down to the lake only to discover that the wind was howling. I swear it increasingly picked up as we drove down to the harbor This has been a joke between my father and I for years.

We've grown to loathe the wind.

Yet as I sit, write and think about where my heart is currently, I can't think of anything else to ask God this Advent Season then for fresh 'Winds.' Winds that would cause the waves of His love, mercy, and grace to crash over the sides and drench my entire being. Winds that would disrupt the apathy, pride, and distrust that has slowly taken root. Winds that would rip away the hardness that has calcified upon my heart. Winds that would cause me to open myself to the presence, glory, and love of Christ. Winds that would bring life to a weary soul.

May the 'Advent Winds' have there way with us.
And may they cause the grace and love of God to crash into our lives.

The Suckiness and Beauty of Writing...

2009-11-20T09:46:00.007-05:00

Vacation is right around the corner and we are so close we can taste it. Not sure vacation tastes like anything in particular, but you understand our anxious anticipation to "hit the road" nonetheless. Gena and I leave Sunday after church to head to her parents home in Pocono Lake, Pennsylvania for a week of rest, relaxation, good eats, naps, family and friends. I can't even begin to describe how incredible it is to go to her parents and just "be." To simply lay on the couch and have the freedom to take a nap without any distraction or anything pressing that needs to be accomplished. That is what I call "heaven."

Every time we travel there we are always sure to stop at one of our favorite outlet/department store called "Ollies." Ollies is one of those places that has just about everything and anything at very affordable prices. Man, I sound like a commercial advertiser. The interesting thing about Ollies is that it's only in select regions. And I'm very, very pumped and proud to say that our hometowns of Mount Pocono, Pennsylvania and Buffalo, New York find themselves within those select regions.

In my opinion, the best thing about Ollies is their vast book selection (ahem...especially their "Inspiration" section). Ollies sells numerous books and many related to Christian theology and spirituality which I absolutely love. And these books are not your Walmart brand of Christian books, they are authors and theologians that I very much enjoy reading. But the best part of all is that the books at Ollies are listed at a third of the price of what they normally list for. So every year around November, Mike easily walks out with twenty to thirty books. It's an addiction really, but Gena says she'd rather me be addicted to books then to something more destructive like crack or alcohol. It's great to have someone so instrumental in my life support my addiction. I wonder what an intervention would look like for someone who reads too much.

....My name is Michael Voit and I'm addicted to books.

Just recently, and by recently I mean last night, I finished Donald Miller's new book entitled A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Miller is a very engaging author who combines his wit and humor with a raw honesty about life that deeply communicates that which he is learning in his journey with God. He has authored several books, one of which is a personal favorite entitled Blue Like Jazz. His newest book was unlike anything I've ever read in regards to life and faith, which made it a very intriguing read. Many of the concepts were fresh and new.

One of Miller's most profound points that captivated my mind and heart ironically had nothing to do with the main thrust of the book. And it was an insight that he made about his own personal struggle with writing. Miller confesses that writers find writing, creating and storytelling to be grueling, hard, and probably one of "the" most difficult tasks they face. Much to our misunderstanding, writers aren't people who can sit, write, express, and create on a whim or a moments notice. It takes time, effort, and deep thought. It's almost as if there's a painful birthing process that takes place when writing and creating.

Now while I was reading Miller's book, I found myself deeply resonating with what he was saying about writing. It made me wonder if I struggle so much with writing because I am meant to write, create, and express my heart not just for my benefit, but for the benefit of others. I wonder if I'm meant to help people on their journey and on their 'Return' to the Father by expressing my heart through words either written or spoken. As, I write this I'm honestly scared. Perhaps I'm scared to hear that I am meant to do this because it's difficult and because there's a part of me that would rather live in the land of "numbness" and "comfort." But deep down I know that's not where Jesus wants me to live. He wants me to live in the center of the struggle because that's where we're refined and remade in His image.

God, grant me strength to be who you've called me to be.
Give me the courage to accept who I am.
Give me the faith to believe that I am becoming who you've always meant for me to be.

My love for You, my heart for You, my life for You, all I am for You.

A "Tupac" Christmas

2009-11-16T10:42:00.023-05:00

Over this past week or so, Gena and I have been slowly recovering from illnesses. Not major illnesses, but enough to cause us to slow down, rest, drink a lot of tea, and eat a lot of soup.
It was during this time of rest and relaxation that we took it upon ourselves to decorate the inside of our house in preparation for the Christmas/Advent Season. We didn't "over do-it," trust me. Hanging lights inside our house is an enjoyable and easy task, not a strenuous one. So the lights are up in the Voit household and "it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas." From what I gather, Christmas is probably "the" most favorite time of year for the both of us. Most likely because of all the fond memories of Christmases growing up. And probably because we actually get to spend Christmas together. There was a time not too long ago when we were dating that we were separated during the Holidays due to the fact that our families lived in two different states. Let's just say that we very much appreciate being together during this time of year.

It's been incredibly relaxing to sit with a cup of coffee, my wife, and a good book with some light instrumental Christmas music playing in the background. And trust me we have plenty of Christmas music. We typically get a new Holiday album every year. This year was Andrea Bocelli's Christmas CD and it's phenomenal. My grandfather (Grandpa Pine) was a big fan of Christmas music and I'm sure he would have enjoyed this particular album. He always had good taste in Christmas music, perhaps that's why I do. Grandma always said I came from "good stock." With no bias at all (kidding!), I would agree.

When it comes to music, I find that I have very interesting taste. I'm not sure I enjoy any one particular style of music. Let's just say that my musical taste is quite eclectic, meaning I like a variety of different styles. And if my wife heard me use that word 'eclectic,' she'd say "Hey now, watch it with those big words!" But it's true, my musical tastes are all across the board. If you ever check out my collection of music you'll see that I have music that ranges from Celine Dion to Iron Maiden. From Bocelli to 3 Doors Down. From the Beatles to Linkin Park. From Journey to old school 50s & 60s hits. From James Brown to Frank Sinatra.

For me, there's something about music that is just so inspiring and moving. I can't really put my finger on it or truly explain what I mean, but I'm sure you get the gist. I'm sure you've in some way or another been inspired or moved by a certain song or songs. What I've noticed about myself is that I'm not so much intrigued with the lyrics of the song(s) as I am with the song(s) itself. I find myself more interested and captivated by the tempo, the beat, the melody, etc. It's almost as if there is a story or a scene full of passion or emotion unfolding underneath all the words. There's high and low points, dramatic and ordinary sequences. There are moments when you'd wish the song would not end and there are those indescribable moments when the deep places within the heart are touched and resonated with.

Music can often tap deep into our hearts and into the very fiber of who we are. I've heard it said that when some people think of God they think of Him as a Song that is and has been playing. It's a sweet, slow Song that has been playing since the very beginning of time. A Song that has a rhythm, a melody, and a beat. A Song that we can choose to either listen close to or intentionally drown out by listening to the numerous other loud, chaotic songs that are being played in our culture. It's a Song that we can either learn to sway, dance and move in harmony with or chose to do nothing with and sit on the sidelines like boys at a Middle School Dance.

I think that we've All experienced or heard this Song at one point or another. I believe we heard it loud and clear when we were kids, but at some point our innocence and child-likeness was lost and drowned out to the voices of "reason" and "civilized" society (note the sarcasm). Remember, when we were kids and in our minds nothing was impossible and nothing was beyond incapable of existing. What happened? What has brought us to this point of no longer being able to dream or think outside of ourselves? Why can't we hear the Song the way we used to hear it so clearly and loudly?

In his song "Changes," Tupac (yes, Tupac Shakur my West Coast brother and rapper) sings "I'd love to go back to when we played as kids, but things changed, and that's the way it is." I think my brother from another mother was right, God rest His soul. Things have changed, but the fact is they don't have to stay the way that they are now. You see the Song is still playing. The Song will always being playing even amidst all the other chaotic and destructive songs that are being played and danced to. But if you listen closely you'll hear deep within the Song that there is an invitation being extended to every one us....

It's an invitation to become like a little child again...
It's an invitation to attune our ears to the Sweet Song that has been softly playing from the very beginning...
It's an invitation to "Return" (aka 'Repent') to the God who calls us His children

...Children who are loved simply for who they are, not as they should be.

Oh and by the way I checked...Tupac does not have a Christmas Album. Bummer!

Thoughts & Doubts on a Love Seat!

2009-11-12T07:38:00.007-05:00

My mornings typically consist of coffee, journaling, reading and above all, time spent in silence. I think it was Ferris Buehler who once said "Life can be pretty crazy, if you don't stop to enjoy it." I'm not completely sure that is the correct quote, but many of you will get the gist. For all of us, life is hectic and fast-paced. There is always something that needs to be done or in our eyes needs our immediate attention.

As of recent (recent, meaning a year or so) I've found myself arising early in the morning, especially on weekends, not only to drink coffee, which I very much enjoy, but to spend time by myself and with God. My father would be somewhat surprised to discover that I can no longer sleep like I used to. Back in the day, I could sleep anytime, anywhere and the noon hour was definitely my favorite time to wake up. But it seems as if those days are over. If I had to trade a great cup of coffee for sleeping in, I definitely would take the cup of coffee.

Where was I? Silence and solitude. These times alone are often quite difficult. The mind races and the body feels as if it has to be doing something. Often in the morning as I spout off a few thoughts to God, journal, maybe even read some Scripture, I'm struck with the mystery of who God is and what He's up to in our world. Oddly enough, it's often in the morning that I have my deepest doubts. I sit on the love seat in our living room and constantly wonder if I'm crazy for believing the things that I do. And not just believing, but trying to live accordingly. But I wonder if I have these doubts because it's during this time that I am confronted with something much much bigger than myself.

As humans, especially in America, we are so reliant on ourselves. From day one, our culture has molded us to be so. Now to be independent and able to take care of business isn't a bad thing in and of itself. It's when we forget the Source from which our strength, health, wealth, etc. come from that we are in trouble. And I think when we forget the Source, it leads us to the "love seats" of our lives where we doubt and wrestle with the existence of the God and Creator who is the Source of all things. Perhaps when we are so reliant on our selves and so self-focused that to think of anything bigger than us (we, who are gods in our own minds) obviously means it can't exist.

Yet this has been our problem from the beginning hasn't it? When Adam and Eve ate of the Tree in the Garden, they aspired to be like God knowing "good and evil." They doubted God's goodness. They doubted God's intention for His creation. Essentially, they doubted God. Now whether you believe the story of Adam and Eve as a literal and factual story is beside the point. Author and Pastor Rob Bell, in his book Velvet Elvis, put it this way, he says "the point isn't that it happened, the point is that it happens." In other words, the point isn't that the story of Adam and Eve is actual literal history, the point is that their prideful actions of aspiring to be like God happens every day with us. And because of our actions we not only distance our self from God, but grow in our distrust and disbelief in Him. Because of our actions we end up on the "love seats" of our lives wrestling, doubting and trying to relearn what it means to trust God again.

God, would you embrace us.
God, would you forgive us.
God, would you ignite our imaginations.

May the love seats of our lives be renewed and transformed.
May they be places where we meet with the Living God. The God and Father of Jesus Christ, who has shown us His love, grace and mercy through his life, death and resurrection.

Why is your blog entitled 'The Return'?

2009-11-09T15:03:00.000-05:00

Now that I've had my coffee I'm ready to watch radar! Great movie (Spaceballs) and a great quote! In all seriousness, I had every intention of blogging this morning while enjoying a nice hot cup of coffee, but a new friend (now a good friend!) came into the office to pick my brain and talk some theology. Although he probably had no idea he was talking theology! Given where ministry is at right now, this conversation truly was a blessing as it opened my eyes to ways in which the Spirit of God is moving within this particular individual and his family. It's exciting to see and hear from someone awakened and enlivened by God's Spirit. This conversation breathed some much needed fresh air into my soul.

Although my blog has just been started, it would most likely help to explain why I've entitled it "The Return." As of the past year or so, this word "Repent" has continually come to the fore of my mind. At times, it fades, but every time I encounter it within the pages of the Scriptures or various books that I'm reading, it hits me with such force and power. When Jesus begins his ministry, his central proclamation that practically sums up everything that He and His Father (God) were about is "Repent, for the Kingdom of God has come near!" If we pour over the gospels and understand what Jesus is enacting through his words and deeds, we begin to understand that this message consumed his entire life, including his preaching ministry. So this wasn't just a one time saying that randomly came out of his mouth at various points. Instead, this was an earth shattering invitation. It was (and still is) an invitation extended to all people, everywhere into something very big that God was (and still is) doing...

Now this word "Repent" has drawn some harsh criticism because of it's inappropriate use amongst passionate Christian fundamentalists. And because of it's destructive usage, we seem to avoid this word altogether when it comes to Jesus. To many the word 'Repent' has all these negative connotations that center around the shame, guilt and remorse we should have before God because we totally suck at life. But you see the word 'Repent' actually means something quite different.

Repent means 'to turn around,' so in a sense it's an invitation to begin to see our lives and our world differently based on who Jesus is and this new reality called the "kingdom of God" that has somehow drawn near through his life, death and resurrection. And not only is it a call to see our lives differently, but it's a call to live our lives differently. Which leads us to a deeper understanding of the word 'Repent'? In the Hebrew the word 'Repent' comes from the word 'T'Shuva. Now T'shuva essentially means to 'Return.' The question is: what are we called to 'Return' to? The typical Jr. High Sunday School answer would be: God. In a certain sense, sure that would be a correct answer, but it's much deeper than that. You see when Jesus says 'Repent,' he's inviting and challenging us to 'Return' to who we were always meant to be.

...And we were meant to be whole, restored, and in union with our Creator.

In Jesus, God is setting things right and reclaiming that which is lost, broken, and disconnected from Him. Essentially, the Father has not only called His children to 'Return' to Him, but to 'Return' to what He had in mind for us (the human race) from the very beginning. It's because of grace and love, that I now find myself in the process of 'Returning'. And that is why this blog is entitled 'The Return."

May this blog be one of many ways by which I 'Return' to the Father and 'Return' to who I was always meant to be...

I Don't Like to Write, Yet I Do

2009-11-08T21:26:00.000-05:00

I'm not much of a writer. Well, I am, but for some odd, unexplainable reason I don't jump at the chance to type up a paper, homily, sermon, etc. It's not that I don't enjoy sermon writing, I just have trouble maintaining focus and putting words to my thoughts. Yet when it comes to journaling, I have no problem at all. In fact,I very much enjoy pouring my thoughts out via the pen. Perhaps it's because I don't have to follow all the technical and grammatical rules of writing. Who knows? It's crazy and to be honest I don't think I'm too far off from being crazy. One thing is for sure, I have much that is within me that needs to be spilled and I'm hoping that this provides an outlet by which I can do just that. Maybe, in the process I'll come to enjoy (and even crave) writing.

I've started this blog for multiple reasons. The first has already been stated. The second is a bit more difficult to put into words, so please forgive me if my thoughts seem complicated and too complex to understand. You see my heart beats for truth. And not truth that is discovered in ivory towers by philosophers and theologians. But truth that is embedded within the fabric of this world. Into the very Creation that we awaken to every day. Truth that resonates deep within my heart. Truth that is worthy of my devotion. Truth that beckons me to abandon my very livelihood. Truth that is only found in the God and Father of Jesus of Nazareth.

What's ironic is that my heart seems to have already tasted of this truth. How, I don't know? But I do know that within there exists this longing for more. And as this "longing for more" drives me to search, my thirst for truth continues to deepen even more. Quite interesting how that works...

May this blog be the start of an exploration to further understand myself and the God who has called me His.